An Unwanted Reminder
In early May a very close friend of ours was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Leukemia. When Klink (my husband) and I went to visit him and his wife at the hospital, it triggered memories of the journey he and I were on just a few years back. Our friend is in the same hospital, has the same oncologist, a few of the same nurses, and of course, he will be having many of the same experiences.
But his will be different. They all are.
It’s impossible for anyone to understand how Cancer affects your life, your relationships, your marriage, your spirituality, your values —until it slaps you in the face.
I remember clearly the day we found out my husband had stage 4 non Hodgkins lymphoma. As I drove home on the freeway I felt as if I was in a translucent tunnel and everything around me was rushing past at the speed of light. I remember the feeling of surrealness, of time stopping, of confusion, of anger, of pain.
Apparently I was driving quite slow because drivers were honking at me, aggressively passing me, and occasionally giving me those friendly hand gestures that meant I should probably get off the road. I wanted to scream at them!
“DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO US? DON’T YOU GET IT? HOW CAN YOU JUST GO ON WITH YOUR DAY LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?!”
It took some time for me to adjust to the news, and as I did, I slowly came to understand that this was going to be our “new normal”. From now on, every decision and every choice we make will be preempted by the big elephant in the room —Cancer.
I knew that I had been initiated into a secret club that no-one wants to belong to. Not the secret club of a Cancer victim, but the other secret club. The one behind the closed doors of the first secret club.
I wasn’t the victim. I was the wife of the victim.
I became subservient to Cancer and I wasn’t even diagnosed. I became collateral damage in my husbands war and my life would never be the same. ‘Cancer: A Journey From The Other Side’ are my stories.
This series is a collection of memories, observations, lessons learned + transformations from my journey. It is quite simply my own point of view as the spouse, which is rarely (if ever) talked about. I can’t tell you exactly how many blog posts I will write for this series or when it will end, so I hope you’ll just enjoy the ride and post a few comments along the way.